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Videos and toys Large collection to pick from all major studios

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This morning I was standing next to a very fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly for no discernible reason he confided in me that he "hadn't seen his thing in 15 years."
Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what to say and wanting to be helpful, I said, "Why don't you diet?"
Giving me a surprised sideways stare, he said,  
"Dye it? What color is it now?"

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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name.?"

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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?" 

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." 

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years and I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for a good man." 

The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said, "Let me see that damn map again."

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An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. 

"What are you so happy about?" Asked the barman? 

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!" 

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky bastard. Was she pretty?" 

"Dunno'...Never found the head!" 

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As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband.  Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty five years old, unmarried and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband.  Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV.  The vibrator was next
to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked in a demanding tone, What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied, "I'm watching the hockey game with my son-in-law."

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Why Men are happier; 

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress -- $5000; tux rental -- $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

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A bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat down together and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men become graphic.

"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," said the lady indignantly. "In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

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He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?" She said, "Turn sideways & look in the mirror!"

"It's just to hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower.  "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

On a wall in a ladies room, "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it said, "I do not."

How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men & government bonds? The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't
know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring & good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

He said, "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it." She said, "You wear pants, don't you?

Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge & go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in the bed & go to the fridge.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful? God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says. "Why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."

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In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

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One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. 
Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first.
" Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children." 
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given me. What could the bad news possibly be?" 
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."

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A guy gets a job working in the Shetlands at a remote petrol station. When he gets there he notices that there are no women for hundreds of miles. As soon as he got the opportunity he asked his supervisor what they did for women.
"Well," replied the supervisor, "we really have no access to women. If you feel the urge there is a barrel with a hole in it behind the building. You can use the hole." 
A few days later the guy is feeling horny and decides to give the hole in the barrel a try. It is the best sex he has ever had.  The following day he is talking with his supervisor and tells him that the hole in the barrel was great. "It's so good I'm going to use it every day," he exclaimed.
"Every day but Thursday," replied the supervisor.
"What's wrong with Thursday?" he asked.
"Thursday is your day in the barrel!" 

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MALE DICTIONARY FOR FEMALES
1."I'm going fishing" - Means..
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety"
2. "It's a guy thing" - Means..
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
3. "Can I help with dinner?" - Means..
"Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" - Means..
Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.
5. "It would take too long to explain" - Means..
"I have no idea how it works".
6. "We're going to be late" - Means..
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".
7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind" Means..
"I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra".
8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" - Means..
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".
9. "That's interesting dear" - Means..
"Are you still talking?"
10."It's a really good movie" - Means..
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women".
11."That's women's work" - Means..
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".
12."You know how bad my memory is" - Means..
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our anniversary."
13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" - Means..
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".
14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" - Means..
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".

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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
 Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
 "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
 He yelled back, "Michigan State."
 And they say blondes are dumb.

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