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Ole took Lena home with him and took off his shirt.
Lena says, "Ole, dat's some chest you have dere."
Ole says, "Yah, Lena, dat's a hunnert seventy pounds of dynamite."
Next he took off his pants.
Lena says, "Ole, dat's nice tighs und calves you have dere."
Ole says, "Lena, dat's a hunnert seventy pounds of dynamite." Ole
quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants. Lena screamed and ran out
the door.
Ole put his clothes back on and ran after her. Catching her, Ole said,
"Lena, vy did you run out like dat?"
Lena said, "Vell, Ole, vit all dat dynamite around, I taught it vas going
to explode ven I saw how short da fuse vas."
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A young girl was going on a date.
Her grandmother said: "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys.
He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.
He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but don't let him do that.
But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you.
You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.
The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: "Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I
just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family..."
Granny fainted.
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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold," The mother replied, "put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend, and he said, "My hands are freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up." The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the Daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put it between my legs. It will warm up," He did, and his nose warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and she asks her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" The slightly concerned mother says, "Sure, why do you ask?" The daughter says, "They make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------